When I Look At The Stars
by alienofextraordinaryability
Summary: I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own. When I look at the stars, I feel like myself.


_A/N: So lately I've been feeling like my writing is a bit stiff, like I've been writing just to write, and that the writing skills I know I possess haven't exactly been up to par. I want to start writing for myself again, and writing with the passion I know I have. Therefore I have decided to write one-shots. Sort of jumpstart my creativity in a way. I hope to write a few each day, but not all of them may get posted. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, so let's get started._

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything related to Gossip Girl.

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_**When I Look At The Stars**_

She moved to the window, the soft sound of pebbles against the glass rousing her from her slumber. Pushing it open, her crimson lips curved into a smile.

"What are you doing? My mom will kill you if she hears." she calls down to him, her voice a loud whisper. The flash of excitement in her eyes completely contradicting her words.

"I wanted to see you." he replied simply. A soft blush crept onto her cheeks as she tried to fully absorb the situation. The boy she loved was standing below her window, risking punishment just to see her. There was this forbidden romance aspect to it that she couldn't ignore. "And as beautiful as you look up there, I'd prefer you being a lot closer." She bit her lip, silently debating how to handle this. Never in her life had she snuck out of the house, she was only 15 years old. The thought had honestly never crossed her mind, but in this moment it had never been so appealing. After glancing down at her light pink nightgown, she focused her gaze back on the boy below her window.

"Two minutes." she called, closing the window carefully. Her heart was thumping loudly in her chest, butterflies fluttering around endlessly in the pits of her stomach. Quickly, she grabbed her favorite jacket, tugging it on impatiently. For a moment she glanced in the full length mirror next to her door, ruffling her hair before stepping into the hallway. With each step, a loud creaking noise broke through the still night air. It was as though the floorboards were trying to stop her from doing something so rebellious. After what felt like forever, she made it out of the house, a rush of cool air greeting her. She hurried over to where he had been standing, only to be disappointed when he was no longer there. "Natie?" she called nervously, glancing around for him. "This is not funny, Nathaniel Archibald." Serena placed her hands on her hips, trying to ignore the fright that was creeping through her body.

"Boo." Nate whispered in her ear as he came up behind her. She slapped a hand over her mouth to keep from screaming and she practically jumped a mile.

"Not funny." Her hand slapped his arm in one swift motion as she attempted to steady her breathing. "I'll so get you back for that." she added, a devilish smirk dancing on her lips. Nate shook his head gently, his gaze locking with hers.

"No you won't." There was a pleased look on his face, a playful tone to his voice with a slight edge of seriousness.

"Serena always gets her revenge." she teased, sticking her tongue out at him.

"I'll believe it when I see it, van der Woodsen." She bit the inside of her cheek nervously, letting a comfortable silence fall between them for a moment. "Now come on, we're going to the park."

"The park? You snuck over here so we could go to the park?" she questioned, partially confused and partially disappointed.

"Yes the park. Don't sound so enthused." he teased with a smirk. "Come on." He slid his hand over hers, taking a few steps and tugging her with him. Serena shot one final glance back to her home; it was perfectly still, surrounded by silence. Taking a deep breath she turned her attention back to Nate, moving her feet in rhythm with his, squeezing his hand lightly. No words were spoken between the two, but there were many stolen glances and flirtatious smiles. There was an undeniable longing hanging in the air between the two, but neither of them wanted to acknowledge it. Their feelings had long been ignored, neither wanting to risk losing the other. Serena recounted numerous times that they had almost barreled over the friend boundary, neither of them fully willing to break the restraints they had put on their relationship. They were the best of friends, closer than any two human beings could ever be. Both had convinced themselves that being just friends was enough for them. Serena had been unable to deny the fact that Blair was infatuated with Nate. Girl code was a powerful thing, and Serena really didn't want to break it. She snuck a glance at him from the corner of her eye, her fingers weaving through his delicately. They had always been affectionate with each other, playing it off as no big deal.

"So I'm hoping that you actually have a plan of some sort." she said with a grin. She was assuming he chose the park for a specific reason.

"Do you really think I'd just randomly decide to sneak out and bring you to the park without a plan?" he teased, motioning his head over towards the field a few yards away. They generally played tag there when they didn't want to deal with the other kids. It was there place, and she was getting more excited with every passing second. "Did you ever notice how easily you can see the sky out here? There aren't many trees around, so you can see it all." he said, his gaze never leaving her. Nate slid his hand away from hers reluctantly, sitting on the grass and patting the space next to him. She quickly followed suit, leaving a small gap between them. Instead of speaking, he laid down; glancing over at her to make sure she did as well.

"What are you doing?" she asked with a giggle.

"It's a lot easier to look at the stars when you're laying down." he stated simply. Her mouth opened slightly feeling slightly dumb for not realizing that herself. Without another word she laid down next to him, her gaze fixed on the stars overhead. It was a spectacular sight. Serena had never really paid such attention to the simplistic beauty of stars.

"Wow…" she said, amazed by the sight. "It's so beautiful."

"Yeah…absolutely beautiful." he replied, in reference to Serena rather than the stars. He shifted his gaze down at their hands, both resting idly on the grass. Nate entwined their fingertips carefully, sending her a warm smile when she looked in his direction. He shifted so he was now on his side, his elbow propping him up carefully. She watches as his eyes trail over her figure, and she can't help but blush in embarrassment. He was dressed in a simple t-shirt and pair of jeans, while she was still in her girly nightgown. "Don't be embarrassed." he told her with a shake of his head.

"Well…when you look at me like that, and I'm in pajamas…it's hard not to." she whispered honestly.

"You look perfect in anything." They were both stepping closer and closer to that line… That line which they had yet to cross. Both wanted to so desperately, but their conscience and pure fear kept them apart. He lifted his free hand up carefully, brushing against her cheek. She absentmindedly leaned into his touch, her eyelids fluttering closed. Nate took this opportunity to lick his lips gently, trying to figure out what to do. He had never kissed a girl before, and he wanted it to be perfect. She felt him get closer and she let her eyes open, her breathing shallow.

"Natie…" she whispered nervously. The truth was, despite the constant buzz of rumors, she had never kissed a boy before. Her heart was pounding ferociously in her chest and she was sure that he could hear it. Serena shifted so she was on her side as well, her warm hand pressing delicately against his neck.

"We don't have to…" He had wanted to kiss Serena for years, but he wasn't going to push her. He wasn't that type of guy.

"I want to…I've always wanted to." she admitted shyly. A boyish grin slipped onto his features, happy that she had wanted it too. His lips inched closer to hers, brushing gently against her own. It took her a moment to realize that he was kissing her, but as soon as she did she kissed him back. It wasn't sloppy, or wet, or lustful…it was sweet, and gentle. There were no more pent up feelings, all of it was released as their mouths moved as one. The kisses inevitably became eager, heated; as passionate as two 15 year olds could be. Nate was the first to pull away, reluctantly. Her lips were slightly bruised, as were his own, and their breathing was heavy. Their deep breaths intermingled in the air around them; his hand slid down her body, resting on the curve of her hip. Their eyes connected, sparkling as bright as the twinkling stars in the sky. Serena pressed herself forward, recapturing his mouth with her own. Her lips were even softer than he thought they would be. Nate's grip on her was firm but gentler than she expected. Perfect…that pretty much summed it up. For the next hour the two laid in the grass, sweetly pressing their lips together. Eventually they needed to go back to reality, back to a world where Blair wanted Nate and Serena wasn't supposed to have him. But every so often they'd find themselves in that field, looking up at the stars, imagining what could have been.

_A/N: So what did ya think? If you loved it, awesome. If you hated it, let me know why. Either way, please review. Feedback is always appreciated._


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